"A funny, empathetic, and formally inventive guide to the U.S. immigration system." (Kirkus) / "A funny book about immigration and sexy centaurs." (Stephen Colbert)

Born in Colombia, Felipe Torres Medina moved to the US at the age of 21 and has spent over ten years of his life both navigating the chaos and confusion of the immigration system and explaining that craziness to the clueless Americans around him. There are few subjects that Americans have stronger opinions on. And there are few subjects that they know less about.

So, like many immigrants before him, Torres Medina sets out to do the job American-born citizens won't: make the US immigration process accessible, relatable, and, hey, a little bit funny. With an outsider's eye, an insider's affection, and a biting, humorous flair, Torres Medina invites readers from all passport lines to explore the multiple paths and potholes of moving to America, and experience just how many choices it takes to choose a new home.

In this laugh-out-loud book, you will be taken down a multitude of possible immigration stories that range from the kafkaesquely silly to an uproarious good time. Some of them are real things that happened to Felipe--like discovering in an immigration interview that he shares a name with several criminals--and some of them are totally invented and will make you question your sanity.

By the end of this handy guide, you'll learn all you need to know about visas like the H-1B work visa, the infamous 90-day fiancé visa, the so-called Einstein visa, and many more. Remember, the fate of each character's journey is all in your hands. So choose at your own risk.