When he was four years old, Sam Abernathy was trapped at the bottom of a well for three days, where he was teased by a smart-aleck armadillo named Bartleby. Since then, his parents plan every move he makes.

But Sam doesn't like their plans. He doesn't want to go to MIT. And he doesn't want to skip two grades, being stuck in the eighth grade as an eleven-year-old with James Jenkins, the boy he's sure pushed him into the well in the first place. He wants to be a chef. And he's going to start by entering the first annual Blue Creek Days Colonel Jenkins Macaroni and Cheese Cook-Off.

That is, if he can survive eighth grade, and figure out the size of the truth that has slipped Sam's memory for seven years.