Years before seeing the faint two lines that solidified their pending parenthood, Renee and Jim always dreamed of having four children. Having survived the first year of parenting, three other times, and with the reassurance of every mom blog she read, Renee was certain that making their dream of four children a reality wouldn't really be much different than their current crazy yet manageable life. Except it was. A challenging first year parenting four children left Renee confused, completely shaken, and desperate for a change. In pure panic, she begged her husband for a change of status. She wanted to become a stay-at-home mother, leaving behind the career she loved, just months before finishing her graduate degree. Renee's journal shares her journey, met with the COVID-19 pandemic, providing an intimate look into her thoughts, lessons learned, and ultimate rediscovery of what brings her genuine joy.